


Roasted

by quiet__tiger



Category: Smallville
Genre: Christmas, Gen, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-09
Updated: 2017-05-09
Packaged: 2018-10-29 22:41:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 500
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10863588
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/quiet__tiger/pseuds/quiet__tiger
Summary: Victor and AC roast chestnuts, with varying success.





	Roasted

**Author's Note:**

> Prompt: "Roast Chestnuts."
> 
> Originally posted to Livejournal Dec. 17th, 2008.

“Your nuts are salty.”

“You say that about everything.”

AC chewed thoughtfully, then said more emphatically, “Maybe. But these are definitely too salty.”

Victor sighed. “I don’t know what I’m doing wrong. I can hack any computer system, I fight bad guys, but I can’t roast a damn chestnut.” He prepped another baking sheet of chestnuts, conscious of AC watching him the whole time. “You know, you could help.”

“I’m supervising.”

“Yeah, right. Until two hours ago, you had no idea what a chestnut was. How much supervising could you possibly be doing?”

AC shrugged. “Fine.” He crowded the counter space near Victor. “You’re putting on too much salt.”

Rolling his eyes, Victor stopped shaking salt onto the chestnuts. “Not everyone dries out when they eat salt.”

“But _I_ do. Don’t you care about me?” AC gave him the pouty lower lip.

“All right, I’ll cut back on the salt. But not because of the lip thing, no one does it better than Clark.” Okay, maybe the lip thing _did_ crack him. It did everybody. Especially when it was Aquaman or Clark.

The oven timer went off, and Victor carefully removed the next batch of chestnuts. While they cooled, he and AC chatted about what they thought the JL Secret Santa exchange would be like (something expensive from Oliver, something foreign from Bart, something bucolic from Clark), then AC sampled a chestnut. “These nuts don’t dry out my mouth the way the others did.”

Victor didn’t make the joke that begged to be made. He only said, “Good. Maybe now you’ll stop bitching and actually help me make more. The party is in a couple of hours.”

“You’re bossy in the kitchen. Like my ex-girlfriend.”

“You calling me a woman? I may be half machine, but I’m all man.”

AC raised his hands in self-defense. “Just sayin’. And please...don’t prove it to me.”

“You’re the one who doesn’t like to wear pants. I’m secure in myself.”

“I don’t wear pants _because_ I’m secure in myself.”

Victor shook his head. “The last thing we need is people wondering about _all_ of us. Let’s let Ollie and his green leather fetish be the end of the gay in the Justice League.”

Wiggling his eyebrows, AC asked, “Why, you planning on telling everyone?”

Groaning, Victor said, “All right, enough. Let’s just get back to making nuts.”

“Better than going nuts, I guess.”

“Just peel nuts, Fish Boy.”

“All right, all right.” AC shelled the cooling batch, and Victor prepped the next one. He wasn’t sure how many they’d need, but he figured more couldn’t hurt, not with Bart and Clark’s metabolisms.

He sprinkled salt over the baking sheet, careful to not over-salt the chestnuts. It wouldn’t do to have AC complaining even more.

Then AC said thoughtfully, “Maybe these aren’t salty _enough_...”

Victor groaned and hung his head. “Then you salt the next ones.”

“Nah. I’m just busting your balls.”

Grinning, Victor asked, “Don’t you mean my nuts?”

AC grinned back. “Whatever.”


End file.
